Ken Wimberly
The first time I met Jon Vroman was at a Fambundance retreat sometime around 2016 or 2017. I remember him saying something that has resonated with me ever since:
“Prior to leaving for this event, I thought many times of canceling the trip. I have so much on my plate that I simply didn’t think I had the time to invest. Now, being here, I know that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.”
Those words struck a chord deep within me when he said them. And they seem so very apropos for almost every retreat that I attend.
I just returned from the Fall Front Row Dads retreat held at the Hyatt Lost Pines outside of Austin, TX. And once again, it was exactly where I was supposed to be.
There is a power that is created when a tribe of men gathers and brings their true authenticity, vulnerability, wisdom, and learnings. The caliber of men in attendance was second to none.
Aha’s + Takeaways
- The only way I could come to know God was to learn to love myself first.
- In order to see others through the eyes of God, I must first see myself through the eyes of God.
- Transactional love with your wife: Asking her to love you enough to make up for the love you don’t have for yourself is an unfair ask of your wife.
- Whenever we are expressing our emotions most harshly on the outside, we are experiencing the softest feelings on the inside—fear, inadequacy, shame, guilt.
- Anger is the protector of fear, shame, and guilt.
- Trust Love. (There is so much to unpack with these two words.)
- Look at your wife (power of observation) through the eyes of God.
- Emotions are simply different forms of energy that we have given names to.
- Kids don’t hear words; they feel/read emotions.
- When my kids look at me, do they see a man that loves himself?
- If you have an argument with your wife in front of your kids, it’s important to apologize and make up in front of your kids too to show them what healthy conflict resolution looks like.
- The path to becoming a better father is really a path to becoming a better man. It’s a path of discovery, a path of pain, a path of confronting some of your deepest, darkest demons. It involves shining a flashlight onto places within your heart that you haven’t explored in some time—and in some cases, ever. It involves forgiveness and acceptance—beginning first with yourself. Few things in life are forever. Fatherhood is forever.
- Each day, for you and for your children, connect first to SOURCE (ground, light, energy) before connecting to technology.
The retreat was a powerful reminder that the journey to becoming a better father starts with self-love and self-awareness. Trust Love. These two words echoed throughout our time together, challenging us to surrender to love without trying to control or manipulate it.
I realized that anger often masks our deepest vulnerabilities. When we express harsh emotions outwardly, it’s usually because we’re grappling with feelings of fear, inadequacy, shame, or guilt on the inside. Recognizing this has been a game-changer in how I approach my relationships, especially with my wife and children.
One of the most profound questions I asked myself was: “When my kids look at me, do they see a man that loves himself?” Our children are incredibly perceptive. They don’t just hear our words; they feel our emotions. If we don’t model self-love and self-compassion, how can we expect them to cultivate those qualities within themselves?
The retreat also emphasized the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in our marriages. It’s unfair to seek transactional love from our partners—expecting them to fill voids that we haven’t addressed within ourselves. Instead, we should strive to see our spouses through the eyes of God, appreciating them fully and loving them unconditionally.
We delved into the concept that emotions are simply different forms of energy that we’ve assigned names to. This perspective allows us to navigate our feelings with greater clarity and less judgment. By embracing this understanding, we can better manage our emotional responses and create a more harmonious environment at home.
Another critical takeaway was the importance of demonstrating healthy conflict resolution in front of our children. If we have disagreements with our spouses, it’s vital to also show the reconciliation process. This teaches our kids that conflicts are a natural part of relationships and that love and understanding can prevail.
Returning from the retreat, I’m committed to connecting with the SOURCE each day before engaging with technology. This practice grounds me, allowing me to be more present and intentional with my family.
The path to becoming a better father is really a path to becoming a better man. It’s not always easy, but it’s a journey worth undertaking—for ourselves and for those we love most.
Few things in life are forever.
Fatherhood is forever.
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